Each time I hear something fall, my heart jumps a beat. When Ayu makes a loud cry or a soft whisper of pain, my heart feels like there’s something being chisel away from it. Sometimes when she says she’s tired, all that I can do is try to reassure her, comfort my lovely wife and try to at least console her that our baby is growing well and tell her all beautiful things that our baby will do. Tell her how lovely our baby boy is going to be. Tell her with my palm gently rubbing her belly on how this little baby can’t wait to see her too.
I’ll tell her on how much I can’t wait to meet our son. On how I’ll try to be the best father that I can be. That I’ll be there for our family. That I will give him all the love that I can give. That I will guide him, nurture him, educate him, be the best companian or just simply be a role model for him. Most importantly, that I will be there for him and for our family. That I will be willing to make sacrifices to ensure every inche of happiness that our own little unit, our pride, our own family deserves to be cherish and protected and grow to unite as one.
It’s hard to refrain oneself when we’re expecting our very first child. It’s hard to refrain from setting hopes too high. It’s hard to refrain from this euphoria of paternal fatherhood emotions. Of anxious for our new life, of being an able provider, of wondering how pregnancy feels like, of wondering how our life will change once he comes out to this world. Yes, a change so profound that I can feel how it start to change my ambition, perception and views in life. That I would somehow learn to live and prepare myself for fatherhood.
I could now feel with my hands how strong his becoming with his jabs and kicks or perhaps his summersault stunts in Ayu’s. Perhaps a little less now as he’s growing bigger and finds himself on a tight spot. I often wonder whether if he realizes that it’s not the womb that’s getting smaller but him getting bigger. I chuckle every time that thought passes by.
Only two more months left and I feel that there’s a lot of things for me and Ayu to do. I just hope that everything will be alright. That everything is going to be fine. I wish for the best possible wishes that I can wish for my wife and baby, especially for the safe delivery of our baby. And when he is finally born. I hope that he will perhaps – find to like and love us too.